Tuesday, October 20, 2009

The King of Carrot Flowers

Hello faithful followers! I hope this blog post finds you well wherever you are. I apologize for the delay. It’s been a crazy time here, being in the throes of midterms and all, so I’ve been too busy downing cups of coffee at an epic pace to write in here. I’m so jittery right now. I’m like a coke addict going through his first days of Detox. Yikes! I could be on one of those MTV True Life episodes. Don’t worry though. In my absence I have accrued a long list of things to discuss with you, which will all hopefully be covered this week.
As promised, I am first going to discuss my fear/frustration with grocery stores…more specifically, new grocery stores. When you are familiar with your own grocery store, be it Schnucks in St. Louis, Appletree for those morningside heights residents, or SuperSol for those Israelis/Upper Westsiders, being at your favorite grocery store is like returning the warmth and comfort of your mother’s womb. You know where everything is and you always have a direct supply of nutritious food to keep you energized for the long haul ahead that is birth.
However, when you’re in a foreign grocery store, it’s kind of like being in a foreign country for the first time, when you’re worried you’re going to end up hacked up like those kid’s in Hostel or, worse, like that kid in Eurotrip who ends up sodomized by some sort of Dutch Sex Goddess/dominatrix. But, I digress. It is very frightening to be “out of the womb” and in a “new” grocery store.
This happened to me on Friday, when I needed to purchase a few items for a salad I was making. However, as I’ve come to understand, whenever you need something in a grocery store with which you’re unfamiliar, you will never find such an item. Now, I know it would have been wise to consult with a member of Westside Market’s staff, but I love a challenge so I figured I could find it on my own. However, and I now deem this the Westside Phenomenon, I kept happenings upon items that I absolutely did not need. Honestly, how many cans of wasabi paste and maraschino cherries does a store need??? It was kind of like that scene in National Lampoons European Vacation when Clark Grizwald can’t get out of traffic and keeps repeating, “Hey kids, look! Big Ben, Parliament,” for what seems like a whole day spent circling these landmarks. Except, in my case, insert this mucus-y green concoction and damned red balls of satan for Big Ben and Parliament.
While I had this awful experience at this store, it was redeemed by my experience at Costco, where I am pretty sure a person could live for at least a month off their free samples. In case you’ve never been to Costco, for which you should be ashamed, they have free sample stands all throughout the store displaying their various delicacies. I was fortunate enough to be there when one of the greatest snacks known to mankind(second to dunkaroos, (which is what I imagine the apple from the tree of knowledge tastes like) was on display, Mozzarella Sticks! Oh man. I love these scrumptious, fried sticks of heaven. What is funny about these free samples is the classic Costco look that everyone gives each other.
Because the free samples are, supposedly, there for only a short period of time, a person goes up multiple times in a few minutes to take advantage of this sweet deal. I will admit I partook in said activity. However, there are those who get a bit violent when the food comes out of the oven. It’s kind of like the stampeding animals from the Lion King scene where Mufasa dies(such a sad scene in retrospect. I don’t think I had the ability to fully grieve as a child, but I guess that’s for another post). I think I saw a lady slap her own child out of the way. My friend, Adam Gindea, can attest to this spectacle. Anyway, what makes these encounters so humorous is the I-just-saw-you-here-like-five-times-before-this-but-we’ll-both-pretend-it’s-our-first-time-up-here look. It’s a classic moment where you both admit your gluttonacy(yes, I made that word up). Yet, for the mozzarella sticks, you(read:I) would do anything.
With much love,

Only in New York Moment:
I just took an hour long break from writing this to drive to NJ with a few friends to see this meteor shower, which could not be seen within the lights of NYC. So, in reality, it was an out of NY moment, but nonetheless, it was a pretty sweet break from the monotony of the school week. So, next time it happens, I’m told this is a bi-annual thing, check it out.


  1. I have been contantly reading your blog and found it to be cool. I really enjoyed your blog "The King of Carrot Flowers" Keep on posting some post like this. Iflorist.co.uk

  2. You were right. This is a funny one. I patiently await Gindea's response.

  3. Due to several happenings over the past few days, I have been unable to comment on this precious blog we are all so fortunate to have in our lives. I feel like the Israelites after Sinai when they forged the golden calf and forgot about God. Maybe it was because the first time God spoke to the people, everyone died! I feel queit similar. I feel that this blog has shown itself to me and then, being a selfish, ungrateful, dude, I ignored it. I apologize to all of you faithful followers of this incredible waste of time and internet space. But I digress. It may because of the unbelievable smell of the slow cooking chulent seeping through the walls in my apartment. O how I love the shabbat! So back to this blog. I would like to tell you all about the costco event descrbed above. It is as my dear freind Adir has stated. A grown woman, a mother, slapped her child across the face, stiff armed her 5 or six year old and chraged at the mozzarella stick man. It was quiet a sight! Maybe one of the craziest things I have ever seen in real life. The kid flew like twenty feet and the football player of a mother nearly tacked the person in front of her so she could grab a handful (and i mean handful) of these delicate morsels of the gods. It truly was fairly insane. Anyways, back to other, less Lamentation-like things. After our Costco adventure, Adir and I found oursleves in New Jersey, the armpit of America. It was with this realization that we both looked at eachother and knew there was only one thing to do...so we drove to chickies (a gross and slimy kosher chicken sandwich place). Adir introduced me to their popcorn chicken. Ah what a treat! If my child was in the way of me and free popcorn chicken, I may do worse that mother at costco. There are several food items that I feel that way about. Since some of Adir's posts consist of lists, I ecided to make my own...after each item on a list will be a number which I will wlaborate on after:

    The top 10 things I would hit a child for:
    1) Popcorn cicken from chickies- these delectable little pieces of white meat chicken melt in your mouth after the initial crunch...10
    2) Recess Cups: AMAZING! by a long shot ne the best things ever created. Chocolate and peanut butter...IN A CUP!...10
    3) Tun melt from Tom's: You should all be familiar with this establishment by now as it has been on several of Adir's lists. These tina melts hold on to the flavor of butter as the simmer and cook in the skillet...the tuna is good to but really its the butter
    4) Sushi from Fusha: Although I promised my dearest fiance that I would never divulge our secret of the hidden gem of the upper west side, I must if this list is to be complete. Fusha, located at 75th and amsterdam has the original saga prices for the quality of Nobu. it is fantastic. Three rolls, soup and salad for lunch, $12...go there...if the owner of Fusha ever reads this, please give me a free meal for endorsement
    5) Plain Entemans (for sure spelled wrong) Doughnuts- the most underrated of all Entemans (still spelled wrong) treats. Try it some day witha glass of milk.

    Ok, I will continue this later. I am off to a wonderful Friday adventure with my soon to be wife.